The Chess Board

what is going on with the chess board?

what kind of configuration is that?

are they even centered on tiles?

was this the result of a real game?

why do the pieces look like little boys?

where are the rest of the pieces?

did brian patrick flynn play a game with the photographer?

has he ever even played chess?

do you have to sit on the floor to play on these tables?

do they make tiny little chairs for these tiny tables?

are you supposed to sit on the pillows?

who is the old man in the photo?

why do the pieces look like little boys?

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total entries: 96

Rounding Third

i sit down at my chair and slowly open up my laptop. the screen is cluttered with windows from my work the previous day. i close everything. i glide the mouse across the table until its pointer is hovering over the google chrome application. i click.

google chrome launches and opens up both the hgtv and diynetwork websites. i expect this to happen because i told it to do so. before i'm ready to submit my entries i decide i need some coffee. i rise and walk over to to carafe to fill my mug. on the way back i stop to exchange pleasantries with a co-worker. during these pleasantries i am thinking about getting my two entries in on hgtv and diynetwork.

i return to my desk and resume my task. i start with hgtv out of habit, but sometimes i will do diynetwork first. it is calming, these 20 seconds it takes to enter. during this brief period of time i am free from the gnawing ennui of modern life. it is a private exchange between myself and the scripps network, where i pledge my desire to win the HGTV Dream Home 2019. it's only once i realize how few times i have left to do this that a deep sadness washes over me.

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total entries: 94

Room Review: Kichen

The kitchen, often referred to as the 'heart of the home', is the room i'm setting my sights on tonight.

at first glance, i think it's a good looking space. i dig the color scheme and appreciate all the seating room around the island. i think 'hanging out' in kitchens is fun and important. let's go through some of the highlights.

the sink

the Dream Home kitchen boats a 'large user-friendly' sink, which is music to my god damn ears. i absolutely loathe when i use the sink at friend's house and find that it's not user-friendly. unfortunately, the faucet here isn't equipped with the delta shield spray technology, so i may look into getting it replaced.

the window

above the sink is a grand accordion-style window that opens up to the deck bar. i like this idea but have one concern with it. is it gonna be spooky? what if i'm down there at night washing a plate and i see something that frightens me? i've watched enough scary movies to know that this would be the window for something like that to happen, and i would hate to be too scared to use my kitchen after dark.

the pantry

so here's something that's been bugging me. they have a picture of the pantry door but not one of what's behind it (i.e. the pantry). why? what are they hiding about the pantry? if it indeed does include 'custom shelving for efficient storage of dry goods and extra household supplies,' then let's see it. show, don't tell, bb.

the fridge

look at this mother fucker. i bet you could fit a thousand beers in there.

the range

six burners. two ovens. one electric griddle. one electric grill. 60-inch wide stainless chimney wall hood. dimmable LED lighting. pretty cool.

i don't have time to go over them all, but this kitchen boasts a star-studded cast of appliances with a sleek look and plenty of counter space. definitely one of my favorite rooms.

room rating: 8.2

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total entries: 92

The Game

everyone is given a 40oz of hurricane (or steel reserve, if there is no hurricane) purchased from the conoco gas station down the road.. everyone then goes into a separate room and shuts the door. the master bedroom is reserved for me but any other doored room is fair game. only once you finish your 40 may you leave your room and reconvene in the great room. the last one to finish doesn’t get to go skiing.

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total entries: 90

Untitled II

hey man, come on in

can i get you anything? water? beer? a pabst perhaps?

sure thing. make yourself at home. we're just hanging out on in the great room

how was the drive brother? these mountain roads can get pretty rough

oh yeah i'm sure. luckily my pilot has all-wheel drive.

did you bring your suit? we were thinking of firing up the hot tub later

bummer. well you can borrow one of mine if you need

yeah i'm all settled in now. still have a couple boxes in the lodge room but that's it

hey man let me show you something actually, follow me

yeah i don't know why they put so many pillows on the bunk bed. it's ridiculous.

alright, back there. behind the table by the peloton.

the first interstate bank on spokane avenue. monday morning. nothing big, just cash from the registers. in and out in 2 minutes.

does it look like i'm kidding?

we need you to drive. you gotta to make a decision right now. what do you say?

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total entries: 88

Since The World's Been Turning

rocket mortgage, simply safe, sleep number, forty eight,
delta faucet, cabot pavers, sherwin williams

hgtv, timber forge, soaring ceiling, french doors,
modern tiles, rustic style, brian patrick flynn

cowboy hats, pet nook, natural light, shitty books
wood floors, aspen trees, gorgeous double vanity

honda pilot, bunk beds, locally-made moose head
second sink, linen cabinets, multi-purpose island

i'm gonna win the dream home
it was always destined
to be my possession
i'm gonna win the dream home
or my smith & wesson
will teach scripps a lesson

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total entries: 86

Brian Patrick Flynn: Friend or Foe?

sat down today to try and figure out my sentiments towards BPF. gonna have to sleep on it.



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total entries: 84